Ready – Or not?

Erev Rosh Hashanah 5782

A month ago, I traveled to the United States to be with my extended family after two years of physical separation. Of course, if we were visiting, we also set out to explore. One excursion that will be forever etched in our memory was white water rafting on the Wasauga River in Tennessee, the entire family from age six to seventy-two. The rafting itself was pretty calm, but the company offered a thrill right at the beginning of the trip – jumping off a cliff about fiteen feet over the water. I remembered a similar jump I had made about twenty years earlier, and I thought, No problem, I can do this. We climbed to the top. I watched people jumping off happily. My turn came. I looked down. I freaked out. “I am not ready,” I said to the guide. I stood back and let a few people pass me. I gathered all the courage that I hoped I had inside, marched to the edge and jumped to the water – scream bloody murder the whole way. Of course, when I came up for air, I already felt fantastic and wished I could do it again.

Thanks to our complicated lunar calendar, this year everyone is saying how the High Holidays have arrived “early”. We’ve only just returned from summer vacation. It still feels like summer outside – the sky has not yet changed and there is not yet any of that cool wind we sing about in the well-known Israeli song “Song for Tishrei”.

If we feel that the holidays come “early”, we begin to feel stress – maybe we won’t be ready? If we aren’t ready, will we succeed in celebrating the holiday “correctly”? Judaism has already thought of these issues and thereby ordained that the previous month, Elul, is the time for preparation before the Days of Repentance.

A story is told of the Hassidic Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev that was sitting by the window at home on Rosh Chodesh Elul (the first day of the month of Elul). A (non-Jewish) cobbler passing by saw the rabbi and called out to him in a loud voice, “Rebbe! Don’t you have something to mend?” Rabbi Levi Yitzchak began to panic. He cried bitter tears and said, “Woe is me! Woe to my soul! For the Day of Judgment is almost here, and I have not begun to mend myself!” (the Days of Awe, Shai Agnon, p. 26)

This story is a wake-up call – because of his piousness, the rabbi was zealous to begin the process of preparing his soul for the Day of Judgment. He was afraid that he would not be ready when Rosh HaShanah arrived. This prompted him to action. If such a righteous rabbi is stressed, that we also should feel some pressure to begin our own cheshbon nefesh.

But, do all of these preparations ensure that when the critical moment arrives, we will be ready?

Another Chassidic story that took place in the month of Elul – when a certain cantor came to the home of Rabbi Mordecai of Nadvorna to carry out his spiritual preparations for the High Holidays with the tzaddik (righteous man). A few days before Rosh HaShanah, he rose to part from his rabbi.

“Why are you in such a hurry to get back?” asked the tzaddik.

“I am the prayer leader, and I have to go over the prayerbook thoroughly to get my prayers in order,” the cantor answered.

The tzaddik smiled and said, “Believe me, the prayerbook is the same as last year. Better to utilize these days to go over your soul and to put your deeds in order.” (Agnon, p. 38)

Especially this year, I identify with this story. I was in quarantine last week. I had a lot of time to prepare the prayers and drashot for the holiday. I felt the most ready I had ever been. And then, by some quirky turn of events, I was given another ten days of quarantine, forcing me to stay home on Rosh HaShanah.

Rabbi Mordechai, with his amazing calmness, teaches us: There is really nothing to do to prepare for the High Holidays. It is less important how the matzah balls turn out or if the prayers are a little off-key. The important thing to do is to be present, to be aware and to engage in contemplation. To be quiet. To be. The “preparation” is the thing itself.

In Pirkei Avot (Sayings of the Fathers), Rabbi Eliezer said, “Repent one day before your death.” Of course, no one which day will be the day of his death. Maybe tomorrow. Therefore, when I get up in the morning, I begin with the intention to be the best person that I can be and to attain my goals. And when I lie down to sleep at night, I say to myself: Today, I was good enough.

As happened with Rabbi Levi Yitzchak, anxiety about the future, near or distant, can prompt us to action. But too much anxiety about the future can paralyze us. It is good to plan ahead, but it is also good to be like Rabbi Mordechai and not to get too stressed by technical details and to remember that our humanity is the most important attribute to nurture.

And I add:

It is good to prepare. And what we have prepared is enough. In any case, we are more ready than we think.

Life does not demand of us to be perfect. It demands from us to strive.

With these three ingredients: Faith, a Circle of support and Courage, when our turn will come, we will always be ready to jump into the unchartered waters.