Eight Intentions for Overcoming Fears / Rabbi Stacey Blank
Chanukah is the holiday of Gevurah – which is translated as “heroism” but is also related to the word for “overcoming”. I dedicate this Chanukah to the heroism that is found in each and every one of us, the courage and strength to overcome difficulties and fear.
- Fear of the dark
I light the first candle to overcome the fear of the dark, a fear with which the child in all of us can perhaps most identify.
This week, we visited the national park Nebi Samuel, the site where perhaps the prophet Samuel was buried. Samuel was born through the prayer of his mother Hanna. Her prayer of thanksgiving includes:
He raises up the poor out of the dust, He lifts up the needy from the dung-hill, to make them sit with princes, and inherit the throne of glory; for the pillars of the earth are the LORD’S, and He has set the world upon them. He will keep the feet of His holy ones, but the wicked shall be put to silence in darkness….(I Samuel 2:8-9)
What will we do ourselves to bring the light of righteousness, generosity, and compassion to the world and, in this way, to banish the darkness?
2. Fear of being alone
I imagine Adam on that first day of existence as the darkness begins to spread throughout the land.
I imagine Hagar in the wilderness, thirsty and hungry.
I imagine Joseph in the depths of the pit.
I imagine Moses escaping from Egypt.
I imagine Miriam with leprosy in her seven days of seclusion outside the camp.
I am afraid that no one sees me.
I am afraid that no one understands me.
I am afraid that no one cares about me.
I am afraid that I am not connected to anyone or anything.
Don’t leave me, my G-d, Do not distance Yourself from me! Hurry to help me, my Salvation! (Psalm 38:22-23)
As we join a second candle, our first candle will not be lonely. They will stand together and make more light together.
Let us overcome the fear of loneliness!
Whom can I invite into my space?
To whom can I reach out and call to say, How are you?
How can I find out in my neighborhood or city who are the lonely and neglected?
3. Fear of failure
When I am afraid to fail, I don’t even try to succeed.
When I am afraid to fail, my heart races and my stomach fills with butterflies.
When I am afraid to fail, I think that I will fail, and then I generally fail.
May the light of the 3rd candle help me to remember –
The midrash of G-d creating worlds and destroying them until this world, as it is written, “And God saw everything that He has made, and behold, it was very good.”
Moses, the great leader of our people, had a stutter (“slow of speech, and slow of tongue”) and overcame his fear of speaking in public.
Our rabbis teach us: You are not obligated to complete the task, and you are not free to abstain from it.
How can my imperfections be blessings?
What did I learn from my failures?
What are three things which can help me achieve my goal?
4. Fear of losing precious objects
The Story of the Ring
When I was young, my grandmother gave me the engagement ring my grandfather had given her – a simple ring with a moonstone and tiny diamond chips. They were both the children of immigrants that grew up in a working-class neighborhood. There was no money to buy the customary diamond, but he wanted to bestow upon her a token of his promise.
In the beginning, they lived in crowded conditions with ten other family members. He worked five jobs, and she also worked full time. They saved and bought their own home and retired in financial comfort. Their lives revolved around their small nuclear family and their large extended family. They laughed together, fought together, traveled together, took care of each other in sickness and in health.
As we raised our glasses to toast their 60th wedding anniversary, my grandfather wept, and we all wept with him. “My heart is overflowing with love,” he said. “We invested all our lives, and you” – he pointed at his children and grandchild – “you are the dividends. If they would measure the love in this room by the tears, there is no ocean big enough to contain it all.”
One day, I went to the gym, and I took off the ring and put it in my bag so it wouldn’t bother me during the workout. Afterwards, I discovered a hole in the bag. The ring was lost. I cried and I cried. And I hoped that it was decorating another’s finger and making her happy.
Throughout the years, I have lost a bracelet that my grandparents gave me for my 16th birthday, a sapphire necklace that my father brought me from Hong Kong, a heart necklace that my beloved gave me at the top of Machu Picchu, and pearl earrings that I wore at my wedding.
Today, I cry less when I lose things. I try more to invest in love.
5. Fear of missing out
Fear of Missing Out
I saw on Facebook all their fun
–What about me?
I saw on Twitter how fast he can run
–What about me?
I saw on Instagram how they got in for free
–What about me?
I heard at school their parents let them go
to the mall alone.
I heard that everyone else
has an iPhone.
Only I don’t travel anywhere.
Only I have nothing to wear.
Overcoming the Fear
I was created in the image of G-d –
A perfect creature worthy of awe.
The three partners in creation
G-d, Father and Mother are the foundation.
There never was and never will be
Another one just like me
And my purpose in life is to discover
the unfolding me –
What talents have I been given?
What memories have I been living?
What do I love?
What thoughts come from above?
Who are the people who
Can be my community through and through?
Who are my partners of word and deed?
Who will support me and care for my needs?
On whom to rely and with whom to converse?
How do I turn into strength the adverse?
The party is right here
Every day, all year.
I am created in the image of G-d.
There has never been another human being like me and there never will be.
My journey in life is to discover myself – what I like, what I don’t like, what I am good at, who are the people that can be my community of support and nurturing.
To take my adversity and learn and grow stronger and turn bad into good
6. Fear of illness or death
I am not only afraid to catch Corona, I am also afraid to get cancer, Alzheimer’s, a heart attack, get hit by a bus, crash in a plane, get in a car accident. And when I get a winter cold with a cough that wracks my body for weeks or diarrhea in the summer heat.
We all make our own decisions how to both protect our health and live active, fulfilled lives. At what point does our fear become itself a physical or mental health hazard? Does our fear keeps us from living our fullest, happiest life?
This picture is from today when I received my booster vaccine. It represents to me my attempt to balance between fear and living my best life. After seven days of quarantine with my family after a trip to the US in August (in which I also happily overcame my fears of traveling international and being outside my health care system during Corona), they all received a negative and I received a positive Corona test with zero symptoms. I am convinced it was a false positive, but I had to sit 14 more days in quarantine and I was disqualified from the booster vaccine. I felt more vulnerable and dealt with varying degrees of risk in different situations. Exactly three months later, I qualify for my booster.
Blessed are the healers and those who expand our understanding of life and death, of health and illness. May it be Your will to give to our health professionals and researchers the strength and the intelligence to continue to learn healing and to act for the sanctification of life. (based on excerpt of Maimonides’ Physician’s Prayer)
7. The fear of not managing to do it all
When I wake up in the morning and am traumatized by all the things I need to do today,
When my to-do list is longer than my supermarket shopping list,
When I am stuck in traffic and Waze says that we will be half an hour late to the show,
When I dream that I am running and running and never arrive to my destination,
I try to remember that….
The Maccabees were forced to fight the Greeks during Sukkot and did not manage to celebrate the holiday, therefore they simply did it afterwards – Chanukah is Sukkot delayed.
When they arrived to the Temple and thought they did not have enough oil to light the lamps, they lit the lamps anyway and then found they had enough and more.
What we don’t manage to do today, there is always tomorrow, thanks to the Creator “who renews in His goodness each day the act of creation” (morning prayer)
In the words of Kohelet, the one who gathered wisdom (3:1), “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
In the words of the Psalmist (104:22-23), “A person goes to his work and to his labor until the evening. How many are the things You have made, O LORD; You have made them all with wisdom; the earth is full of Your creations.”
What I do not manage to finish today, there is always tomorrow. Everyday, I give thanks for the good and I say to myself, “Today, I did good enough!”
8. Overcoming Fear of the Unknown
I don’t know what I don’t know.
What if? What if? What if?
Rabbi Akiva said (Pirke Avot 3:15): “Everything is foreseen yet freedom of choice is granted, And the world is judged according to its goodness; And everything is in accordance with the majority of ones deeds.”
A person’s inner world is completely known and revealed to G-d, but a person is always free to choose his/her deeds. G-d is always rooting for us to do good. We are not expected to be perfect, but we are expected to be more or less good people. (based on Rashi)
I don’t know what will come tomorrow. But I do know that I have the ability to do the right thing no matter what I meet tomorrow. In these darkest days of the year in the eight nights of Chanukah, we have succeeded in bringing so much light to the world. I don’t know what will come tomorrow, but let us already begin to answer the question:
What other ways can we bring light into the world?
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