VaYishlach – Jacob as a model of resilience

In difficult times, especially in these most difficult of times, I ask the question that has been asked for thousands of generations: “From where will my help come?” (Psalm 121)

Everyone I know is touched by this war, and each person much receive care according to what s/he has gone through, their personality and their circumstances. I myself experience feelings of helplessness witnessing the atrocities that were committed and the giant tasks that lay before us – the desire to take care of family, friends and community, to defend our country and to build a safe and prosperous future for our society and for the world. It is very easy to get lost and to feel that this is impossible.

I offer my gratitude to my colleague and friend Rabbi Gail Diamond, who introduced me to a model that offers resources for developing resilience in the face of crisis put forth by Professor Mooli Lahad, an international expert in treating psycho-trauma and the founder of Mercaz Mash’abim in Kiryat Shmonah. He offers tools to develop mental resilience and “mental, social and systemic” inner strengths “that assist (people)…to deal with stressful situations.”

Lahad defines a clearinghouse of resources that we can choose from to help us: In English he calls it the “BASIC-Ph model” – Belief, Affect (feelings), Social, Imagination, Cognitive and Physiological (body). I felt the guiding hand of G-d that brought me to learn about this method in one of the most difficult times since the founding of the State of Israel when I was given the opportunity to offer an interpretation of this week’s Torah portion “VaYishlach” for the IMPJ web site. In the portion, we meet the father of the Jewish people, Jacob, dealing with great stress, fears and uncertainly in anticipation of his return to his homeland and a meeting with his brother Esau who had vowed to kill him many years earlier.

I will describe here Jacob’s actions as they present according to Professor Lahad’s method for coping with crisis:

Belief: You could say that Jacob is a man of faith – he turns to G-d. Lahad defines faith also as the act of assigning meaning to one’s situation and as holding a feeling of destiny and mission. Jacob indeed turns to G-d, but, alongside his request, he builds for himself a narrative of success. When he left Beersheva for Haran so many years ago, G-d said to him, “Behold, I am with you.” Now Jacob says, “And you said that you would make everything good for me.” Here, it seems as if Jacob is twisting G-d’s words, but perhaps he is doing so in order to describe the reality that he desires.

Affect (feelings): After all of his preparations, the Torah describes Jacob’s state of being: “And Jacob was afraid and he was sorrowful” (Genesis 32:8). Further on, Jacob’s prayer is a call for help, “Please save me from my brother, from Esau, because I am afraid of him lest he come and strike me and the mothers and the children.” (Genesis 32:12) Professor Lahad suggests we use the coping mechanism of expressing our feelings and asking for emotional support from others. Jacob expresses his suffering through speaking. Lahad notes that one can communicate one’s feelings also through writing, art, laughter and tears.

Social: Despite that Jacob acts through his messengers, I think that he less leans on his social resources for coping. Perhaps the “man” was sent to him in the night when he is alone in order to keep him company in this stressful situation. Professor Lahad says that social contact helps us to feel support and belonging and that we have a role to play in our community.

Imagination: Imagination can have two possible roles. One is that it allows for relief or as a distraction – to watch a movie, to think pleasant thoughts. Another is that it can be a creative activity (drama, drawing, improvisation, humor) that helps us to imagine additional solutions to our problem. In the case of Jacob, some claim that the “man” with whom he wrestled was a product of his imagination, and Jacob was actually wrestling with himself. As the dawn broke, Jacob demands a blessing from the “man” who agrees and says, “Jacob will no longer be your name but rather Israel (the one who wrestles with G-d) for you have wrestled with G-d and with people and you have held your own.” (Genesis 22:29). As a result, Jacob builds a self-image of one who can hold his own – a person who does not give up, can do anything he puts his mind to and who does not wait to receive instructions or for promises to be fulfilled but rather makes them come true himself.

Cognitive: When Jacob plans to return to the land of Canaan, he utilizes cognitive techniques: He arrives at the conclusion by himself that his return to the land obligates him to confront his brother Esau. In anticipation of the meeting, Jacob acts based on his experience with Esau and perhaps also the experience he acquired in his years working for his uncle Lavan. Jacob estimates the potential damages that could occur and accordingly designs both a reconciliation plan and an escape plan. He divides his camp into two and places Leah, Rachel and their children in the back. He sends messengers with gifts to Esau to placate him and in order to gather intelligence about his intentions. At the conclusion of the brothers’ reunion, instead of joining his camp to that of Esau, he decides to part ways.

Physiological (body): After Jacob places his entire family on the far bank of the Yabbok stream, he begins to wrestle with the “man” (or angel?) that goes on the entire night. Jacob spends the night engaged in a physical act, one could say sport. According to Lahad, physical activity “can bring the entire physical system back into balance”. He claims that bodily activity could also be meditation, eating, sleeping or getting a massage.

Finally, I add an insight of my own. Our ancestor Jacob was not a perfect person. We have a lot of criticism of him – how he treated his father, his brother, his wives and his children. We also have a lot of criticism of ourselves. We are an amalgamation of our successes and failures. We have defects, and we have strengths and resilience. Who knows better than the Jewish people (Am Yisrael) how complicated people are, how complicated reality is. Nevertheless, despite this or with all of this, I believe in us, in the Jewish people, Am Yisrael, that we will win the war against evil, that we will overcome the terrible difficulties that were put before us and that one day we will achieve peace in our land — For the sake of the memory of our loved ones and for the sake of the future of our children.

May this be G-d’s will.

Information about Professor Lahad’s model was taken from https://hoseneastgalil.org.il/helping-tools/ but you can search him on the internet and find articles and books in English with his method.